My friend, and very talented actress, Miracle Laurie, wrote me such a beautiful email and she said I could share - so here it is.  The best and most unexpected thing that has come out of pursuing my passion is the love and gratitude I have received from both friends and strangers alike...

My review of TIANANMEN ANNIE

By: Miracle Laurie

I am not a critic.  I am not a writer.  I am an actor and a friend.  And I am compelled to write down my experience of Ann Starbuck’s one-woman show, TIANANMEN ANNIE, and share it with whoever will read it.

Normally when a friend says, “you HAVE to come see my one-man/woman-show”, one cringes at the thought.  Let’s be honest: they’re hard to pull off.  I, however, LOVE my friend Annie and trust her completely.  I know that her story is a true one, and a story very important to her.  I also know that she’s very funny and a FANTASTIC actress!  I know that I will enjoy myself when I go see her one-woman show and most likely be proud of her and her accomplishment.

What I didn’t know, is that I would be completely wowed and transported!  The TIANANMEN Square Uprising and Massacre is an event in our World’s History, that I am embarrassed to say, before Ann's show, I knew little about.  And apparently, there are many young Chinese people who still have NO idea what that event even is.  It is practically forbidden to speak of in China.  Ann told me that a group of Chinese students came to see her show last year when it premiered in time for the 25th Anniversary, and that that was the first time they’d ever heard anyone speak of what had happened 25 years prior, and they were completely unaware that it was even an event in their Country’s history.

Now, one wouldn’t think that it was possible to laugh while listening to a story about this moment in time, but believe me: laugh, you will!  You see, the play is also about Annie’s journey through China as a young student in the late 80's working as a PA for CNN.  Along the way you meet fantastic characters with big personalities.  You learn things about the Chinese culture (both things that were probably only true in the late 80’s, but also things that have probably always been and will always be true).  You see everything she saw with your very own eyes.  Because Ann as a writer (yes – Ann also WROTE the play) and as an actress, is able to paint the most beautiful pictures in your imagination with her thoughtful and exciting storytelling. What I love most about her show is that every single second of it is a true story!  It’s fantastic. 

She will move you to great fits of laughter, and also create a safe space for you to cry when you learn about the fate of so many of these beautiful people.  She will educate you and inspire you.  She will inform you and entertain you.  Like I said before, I was embarrassed that I didn’t already know more about what happened that night and throughout the entire uprising.  But now I know and I am better for it.  As an actor, to witness such incredible writing come to life so vividly and articulately.  To see someone with Ann’s talent move so gracefully and fully from character to character in the blink of an eye.  To experience a piece of theater again, as equally educational as it is entertaining.  To witness a friend create and execute to perfection, a beautiful piece of art, theater and truth-telling.  I was and still am astounded and overjoyed.  

Congratulations, to my friend Ann Starbuck.  I love you.  You are a star and an inspiration.  To you, the reader, whether you be friend or stranger: do yourself a favor and go see TIANANMEN ANNIE!  You only have a few chances left.  The play is only 75 minutes, but will stay with you the rest of your days.

Sunday, June 21st at 7pm

Monday, June 22nd at 8pm

Saturday, June 27th at 3pm

The Hudson Guild Theater – 6539 Santa Monica Blvd., LA, CA

$15 each, Ages 12+

Sometimes we dive into the despair of our lives and wallow about.  Despair is degrees, and yet it somehow feels the same whether it’s dashed dreams or a torn fingernail after a manicure.  But why?

I have a penchant for the dramatic.  A flare for searching for the worst.  I believe by acknowledging the worst, I can deal with anything.  I know this is flawed thinking.  And yet, somehow saying out loud, “Well, the worst that could happen is…”  But I don’t live in this maudlin place.  It’s a springboard for me to jump over the fear.  I’m told more often than not, “Ann, I love your laugh. It’s infectious.”  Infections aren’t funny, unless you’re a mad scientist.  Actors are usually the ones who tell me this, which weirdly makes sense.  Actors are like a tribe of mad scientists.

I took a 10 year break from my tribe.  At that time I believed the voices of other tribes.  The “to be successful you must…” voices who say things like a) get a real job; b) buy a house; c) get married; d) have children.  What they don’t tell you is the meaning: a) real job = supporting the dreams of someone/something else; b) house = debt (so you’ll have to stay in real job); c) marriage = a lot of work and compromise; d) children = sleep deprivation, a lot of work and compromise.  When my son was a baby I would whisper in his ear, “You will be a compassionate man.”  Stories of crazy young men somehow always involve their mother…

And with my family, I have found happiness, and stability, and love.  But my well of joy dried up.  (I told you at the beginning I have a penchant for the dramatic.) Money can buy you comfort, but not joy.  As the Beatles said, “Money can’t buy you love.”

Ten years ago, I stopped acting.  Seven months ago, I made the choice to join my tribe again. And like flipping a switch, I found my joy.  Oh, I’ve stumbled.  And I’ve questioned my choice (because of money – or the current lack there of).  And the other voices balked.  But my joy, the core of my true happiness is back.  Acting & improv classes, writing my play about the year I lived in China, auditioning, and recently getting ever so close to booking a high paying job (which would SHUT the other voices).  I’m so lucky I’ve had the chance to rejoin my tribe.  And since I’m not throwing out the baby with the bathwater, I’ve gotten a “day job” that allows me to support my dreams.  Even in Hollywood, the city of dreams, I’ve met many people over the past 16 years who chose a “real job” over a “day job.”  They left their tribe for wealth, and even fame.  But joy?  Could that be why it seems there are so many unsatisfied people in the movie/tv business?

I’m so grateful my son’s old enough now to have conversations about his dreams, about the tribes he may one day want to join.  I want him to grow up hearing his voice.  That’s my job as his mother:  to be brave enough to live in my own joy, so he will be brave enough to live in his.

Now when I put him to bed, I whisper in his ear:  “You’ll grow up to be a successful person if you’re true to what’s inside your heart and brave enough to live your dreams.”  He answers, “Yeah, yeah, mommy.  The Jedis are planning a massive attack.  Build the AP-A Attack Ship for battle.  Load the Clone Troopers.  Prepare the missiles…”

He’s giggling.  I’m smiling.  Joy.

n the car on the way to preschool:  “Mommy, why is Anakin jealous?  What does jealousy mean?”

“It means when you can’t feel anymore love in your heart.  You think you have to get love from something else.  But you don’t.  You just need to close your eyes, breath, and look deep inside your heart.  It’s still there.”

“Is that why Anakin is good, then bad, then good?”

“Yes.  It takes a long time for him to find the love inside his heart.”

My five year old son is obsessed with Star Wars.  Not the movies.  He hasn’t seen them for a couple of reasons:  he’s too young, and he’s not a big fan of movies.  He doesn’t even like Disney/Pixar movies because of the “scary” parts.  He gets so emotionally involved, he doesn’t quite understand that it is make believe.  When my son watches a character he’s emotionally attached to deal with something that he personally has not yet learned how to emotionally deal with (ie: Bambi’s mother dying), he screams at the top of his lungs, “Turn it off!  No!  No!  Turn it off!”  So we don’t watch movies.

But he loves Angry Birds and Legos, and since the marketing genius that is Lucas put Star Wars in that mix, it is the next logical step in my son’s cultural fandom.  It doesn’t hurt that my husband is also a huge fan geek.  We have an original Darth Vadar Halloween mask on the book shelf.  It’s up there with other memorabilia – a couple of years ago I got an American Revolutionay hat from the production of JOHN ADAMS – he’s now “Darth Adams”.  My original love for STAR WARS was more in the “Tiger Beat” vein – Mark Hamill was the movie’s answer to my Shaun Cassidy obsession.  IF I had known my husband back then, I would have thought the 12 year old lanky boy talking to me wearing his Darth Vadar mask was a loser.  Likewise, my husband would have seriously scoffed at my pudgy 10 year old self who thought she was too cool with her Dorothy Hamill/Farah Fawcett haircut (depending on the day).  But I digress…

So in the past couple of months my husband using Star Wars stickers, pictures, and Legos, has shared the saga with my son.  He can’t get enough of it: light sabers, spaceships, good vs. evil, storm troopers, rebel alliance, the force.

“Mommy, did you know General Grevious is the worst?”
“I didn’t know that…”
“He’s part robot and part human.  And has four light sabers!”

Because of this my son is engaging me in philosophical conversations.  He’s trying to understand the big questions posed by the world of Star Wars.  It’s lead to fun and fantastic discussions.  It also gives me the chance to teach some life lessons.

I can say this.  But when Yoda says it, it has more meaning for my son.  

At a stop light I look in the rear view mirror.  My son is squinting at me, hard.  His arms are stretched-out, his hands cupped.

“What are you trying to use the force for now?”

With a sheepish grin, “Mommy, I want a treat when we get home.”

Hmmm….what would Yoda say about that?